Under Water

I've been way too busy to try and post something, so I'm going to take a few minutes out of this busy weekend to post an update about how things are going.

I had my last appointment with my therapist this week. We didn't really get anywhere, all we did was talk about my job search and the wedding. The job search is going horribly. I've sent applications everywhere, including those not in my field and have got exactly ZERO callbacks. How discouraging. I honestly don't believe we will be able to afford to move out on our own by the wedding date.

It honestly feels like I'm drowning sometimes. I'm under water and have no where to go. I keep trying to fight myself upward but the waves keep pushing me back. The wedding date isn't getting any further away either. I have exactly 91 days until our wedding. I'm excited, but at the same time I feel like breaking down and crying. Our new life together is something to look forward to, but what if we can't afford a life together? I spent thousands of dollars on trade school and I can't even snag a job. How can I pay those loans back? How can I afford the bills I have now making $7.75/hr for less than 30 hours a week?

If I wasn't already medicated, I'd be in serious distress. They would have to institutionalize me I'm sure.

However, aside from not finding a job, I have accomplished quite a bit lately. My dress is paid off, I have my shoes and jewelry picked out, we found my flowers and made my bouquet, and I finally got my cake ribbon. Right now I'm just trying to get a hold of my out of town officiant and bridesmaid so I can schedule a rehearsal. Planning a wedding is so stressful. Especially when you add finding a job on top of it all. Oh, and I'm really starting to hate my job. My neighbor at work started her 3 week vacation this week and it's been giving me hell. Some of those kids are very very very difficult. I feel like crying sometimes. I hate it.

This fourth of july weekend went by really fast. My sister FINALLY left yesterday morning. I though I would lose my mind if they stayed any longer. They take over my room, and with the kids here it is impossible to get any peace and quiet. So I pretty much stayed secluded in the GUEST bedroom all weekend. Yes that's right, while she and her husband stunk up my room with their e-cigs and body odor, I was given the GUEST bedroom. GUEST. Have I made my point pretty clear? I'm so ready to move out. If only a job would fall out of the sky and into my lap.